Quotes

Famous Quotes

Inspirational Music Quotes
Funny Music Quotes
Funny Music Terminology
Music Theory Jokes
Inspirational Dance Quotes
Funny Dance Quotes
Quizes

Inspirational Music Quotes

The whole problem can be stated quite simply by asking, "Is there a meaning to music?"
My answer would be, "Yes."
And "Can you state in so many words what the meaning is?"
My answer to that would be, "No."
Aaron Copland

To stop the flow of music would be like the stopping of time itself, incredible and inconceivable.
Aaron Copland

The truest expression of a people is in its dance and its music.
Agnes DeMille

If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.
Albert Einstein

Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Albert Einstein

It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.
Albert Einstein

It occurred to me by intuition, and music was the driving force behind that intuition. My discovery was the result of musical perception.
Albert Einstein (when asked about his theory of relativity)

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
Aldous Huxley

Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends.
Alphonse de Lamartine

Lean your body forward slightly to support the guitar against your chest, for the poetry of the music should resound in your heart.
Andres Segovia

Being a singer is a natural gift. It means I'm using to the highest degree possible the gift that God gave me to use. I'm happy with that.
Aretha Franklin

Its language is a language which the soul alone understands, but which the soul can never translate.
Arnold Bennett

The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes --ah, that is where the art resides.
Artur Schnabel

A friend is one who knows my song, and sings it to me when I forget.
Author Unknown

Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside of us.
Author Unknown

Music is what feelings sound like.
Author Unknown

Music speaks what cannot be expressed
Soothes the mind and gives it rest
Heals the heart and makes it whole
Flows from heaven to the soul
Author Unknown

Play the music, not the instrument.
Author Unknown

The older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune.
Author Unknown

There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it.
Author Unknown

Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.
Author Unknown

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.
Author Unknown

Bach gave us God's Word. Mozart gave us God's laughter. Beethoven gave us God's fire. God gave us Music that we might pray without words.
Author Unknown (Quote outside an opera house)

A jazz musician is a juggler who uses harmonies instead of oranges.
Benny Green

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
Berthold Auerbach

Music springs from and is replenished by a hidden source which lies outside the world or reality. Music ever spoke to me of a mysterious world beyond, which moved my heart deeply and eloquently intimated its transcendental nature.
Bruno Walter

Music has been my playmate, my lover, and my crying towel.
Buffy Sainte-Marie

He who sings scares away his woes.
Cervantes

A song has a few rights the same as ordinary citizens. If it happens to feel like flying where humans cannot fly, to scale mountains that are not there, who shall stop it?
Charles Ives

Music is your own experience, your own thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. They teach you there's a boundary line to music. But, man, there's no boundary line to art.
Charlie Parker

I am more and more convinced that music is not, in essence, a thing which can be cast into a traditional and fixed form. It is made up of colors and rhythms.
Claude Debussy

Music produces a kind of pleasure which human nature cannot do without.
Confucius

I never use a score when conducting my orchestra. Does a lion tamer enter a cage with a book on how to tame a lion?
Dimitri Mitropolous

You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note.
Doug Floyd

My idea is that there is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require.
Edward Elgar

A lot of singers think all they have to do is exercise their tonsils to get ahead. They refuse to look for new ideas and new outlets, so they fall by the wayside. . . I'm going to try to find out the new ideas before the others do.
Ella Fitzgerald

I sing like I feel.
Ella Fitzgerald

Music rots when it gets too far from the dance. Poetry atrophies when it gets too far from music.
Ezra Pound

Though everything else may appear shallow and repulsive, even the smallest task in music is so absorbing, and carries us so far away from town, country, earth, and all worldly things, that it is truly a blessed gift of God.
Felix Mendelssohn

In 1968 I ran into Steve Lacy on the street in Rome. I took out my pocket tape recorder and asked him to describe in fifteen seconds the difference between composition and improvisation. He answered: "In fifteen seconds the difference between composition and improvisation is that in composition you have all the time you want to decide what to say in fifteen seconds, while in improvisation you have fifteen seconds." His answer lasted exactly fifteen seconds.
Frederic Rzewski

Music is an outburst of the soul.
Frederick Delius

Without music, life would be an error. The German imagines even God singing songs.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Music is the vernacular of the human soul.
Geoffrey Latham

There is no feeling, except the extremes of fear and grief, that does not find relief in music.
George Eliot

Americans’ true music must repeat the thought and inspirations of the people and the time. My people are Americans and my time is today.
George Gershwin

I'd rather be a musician than a rock star.
George Harrison

The history of a people is found in its songs.
George Jellinek

In music one must think with the heart and feel with the brain.
George Szell

The pleasure we obtain from music comes from counting, but counting unconsciously. Music is nothing but unconscious arithmetic.
Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz

If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music.
Gustav Mahler

Where words fail, music speaks.
Hans Christian Andersen

Bach opens a vista to the universe. After experiencing him, people feel there is meaning to life after all.
Helmut Walcha

Men profess to be lovers of music, but for the most part they give no evidence in their opinions and lives that they have heard it.
Henry David Thoreau

Music is perpetual, and only the hearing is intermittent.
Henry David Thoreau

When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.
Henry David Thoreau

A song will outlive all sermons in the memory.
Henry Giles

Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except the best.
Henry Van Dyke

Music is the universal language of mankind.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Of all the earthly music, that which reaches farthest into heaven is the beating of a truly loving heart.
Henry Ward Beecher

Music is given to us with the sole purpose of establishing an order in things, including, and particularly, the coordination between man and time.
Igor Stravinsky

My music is best understood by children and animals.
Igor Stravinsky

The trouble with music appreciation in general is that people are taught to have too much respect for music; they should be taught to love it instead.
Igor Stravinsky

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Igor Stravinsky

Beethoven concertos ... Tchaicovsky concertos ... With a lot of these wonderful masterpieces there's always something wonderful to find. There's always something new to find.
Itzhak Perlman

Everybody has a different kind of talent and a different timetable as to when they develop.
Itzhak Perlman

Human beings sing because we have to. When we’re happy or sad or angry, energy builds up inside. Then, before the pressure can do damage, a valve opens and we cry or laugh or sing. And once those tears or notes are outside of us, the universe shifts a little.
Joan Oliver Goldsmith

If you’re going to make music, you’d better understand it.
Joan Oliver Goldsmith

Shh. Listen to the sounds that surround you. Notice the pitches, the volume, the timbre, the many lines of counterpoint. As light taught Monet how to paint, the earth may be teaching you music.
Joan Oliver Goldsmith

Singing, the first art. Before we draw or dance or even crawl, we sing. We begin by making sounds with pitches attached. Some of our initial squeals and gurgles will become language, but some are on their way to becoming song.
Joan Oliver Goldsmith

The best lesson of all: I learned how to learn.
Joan Oliver Goldsmith

For the glory of the most high God alone,
And for my neighbour to learn from.
Johann Sebastian Bach

It's easy to play any musical instrument: all you have to do is touch the right key at the right time and the instrument will play itself.
Johann Sebastian Bach

The aim and final end of all music should be none other than the glory of God and the refreshment of the soul.
Johann Sebastian Bach

Music's the medicine of the mind.
John A. Logan

Jazz will endure just as long people hear it through their feet instead of their brains.
John Philip Sousa

Sound is what drives my solos, not verbal concepts. I never think 'I'm going to use a Lydian Dominant scale and then go up a half-step', even though that might be exactly what I end up doing.
John Scofield

Music is the art of thinking with sounds.
Jules Combarieu

Music isn't just learning notes and playing them. You learn notes to play to the music of your soul.
Katie Greenwood

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.
Lao Tzu

Perfect practice makes perfect.
Larry Arthur Trammell

Music is the medicine of a troubled mind.
Latin Proverb

Silence is the fabric upon which the notes are woven.
Lawrence Duncan

Music is the medicine of the breaking heart.
Leigh Hunt

Music can name the unnamable and communicate the unknowable.
Leonard Bernstein

A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence.
Leopold Stokowski

Music is the effort we make to explain to ourselves how our brains work. We listen to Bach transfixed because this is listening to a human mind.
Lewis Thomas

There's music in the sighing of a reed;
There's music in the gushing of a rill;
There's music in all things, if men had ears:
Their earth is but an echo of the spheres.
Lord Byron

What we play is life.
Louis Armstrong

Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy. Music is the electrical soil in which the spirit lives, thinks and invents.
Ludwig van Beethoven

Music is the one incorporeal entrance into the higher world of knowledge which comprehends mankind but which mankind cannot comprehend.
Ludwig van Beethoven

There is no loftier mission than to approach the Divinity nearer than other men, and to disseminate the divine rays among mankind.
Ludwig van Beethoven

Tones that sound, and roar and storm about me until I have set them down in notes.
Ludwig van Beethoven

What I have in my heart and soul - must find a way out. That's the reason for music.
Ludwig van Beethoven

He is the greatest composer that ever lived. I would uncover my head and kneel before his tomb.
Ludwig van Beethoven (referring to Handel)

I have no pleasure in any man who despises music. It is no invention of ours: it is a gift of God. I place it next to theology. Satan hates music: he knows how it drives the evil spirit out of us.
Martin Luther

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary.
Martin Luther

Next to the Word of God, the noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world.
Martin Luther

It's a marvelous feeling when someone says ‘I want to do this song of yours’ because they've connected to it. That's what I'm after.
Mary Chapin Carpenter

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.
Maya Angelou

We composers are at least as significant as the stars who make $14 million or $15 million. You just don't see us.
Michael Kamen

There is nothing more notable in Socrates than that he found time, when he was an old man, to learn music and dancing, and thought it time well spent.
Michel de Montaigne

Don't play what's there, play what's not there.
Miles Davis

Music is a gift and a burden I've had since I can remember who I was.
Nina Simone

Every disease is a musical problem. Its cure a musical solution. The more rapid and complete the solution, the greater the musical talent of the doctor.
Novalis

The blues is celebration, because when you take sorrow and turn it into music, you transform it.
Odetta

Alas for those that never sing, but die with all their music in them.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water-bath is to the body.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

All the sounds of the earth are like music.
Oscar Hammerstein

Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory.
Oscar Wilde

Without music, life is a journey through a desert.
Pat Conroy

Jazz came to America three hundred years ago in chains.
Paul Whiteman

Are we not formed, as notes of music are, For one another, though dissimilar?
Percy Bysshe Shelley

Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.
Plato

Rhythm and harmony find their way into the inward places of the soul, imparting grace, and making the soul of him who is rightly educated graceful.
Plato

The music masters familiarize children's minds with rhythms and melodies, thus making them more civilized, more balanced, better adjusted in themselves, and more capable in whatever they say or do, for rhythm and harmony are essential to the whole of life.
Plato

Music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul.
Plato

Truly to sing, that is a different breath.
Rainer Maria Rilke

Truly to sing, that is a different breath.
Rainer Maria Rilke

Music takes us out of the actual and whispers to us dim secrets that startle our wonder as to who we are, and for what, whence, and whereto.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I write music with an exclamation point!
Richard Wagner

Music is the poetry of the air.
Richter

Who hears music, feels his solitude peopled at once.
Robert Browning

Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words.
Robert G. Ingersoll

For me, music is always the language which permits one to converse with the Beyond.
Robert Schumann

Every man's work, whether it be literature or music or pictures or architecture or anything else, is always a portrait of himself.
Samuel Butler

There are still so many beautiful things to be said in C major.
Sergei Prokofiev

Music is the mortar of humanity. It binds people of all backgrounds and experiences, as it poignantly expresses universal human emotions. It is an amazing and elusive complement to our existence. And yet, this spiritual art form is rooted in concepts that are easily explained in the practical realm.
Shelton Berg

I have come to the definite conclusion that musical ability is not an inborn talent but an ability which can be developed.
Shinichi Suzuki

Music is love in search of a word.
Sidney Lanier

Great music is that which penetrates the ear with facility and leaves the memory with difficulty. Magical music never leaves the memory.
Sir Thomas Beecham

Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.
Stella Adler

Those who wish to sing always find a song.
Swedish proverb

Music ~ The art of arranging sounds in time so as to produce a continuous, unified, and evocative composition, as through melody, harmony, rhythm, and timbre.
The American Dictionary

I sat down at the piano and my hands began to browse over the keys. Then something happened. I felt as though I could reach out and touch God. I found myself playing a melody, one I'd never heard or played before, and words came into my head -- they just seemed to fall into place.
Thomas A. Dorsey

Music is well said to be the speech of angels; in fact, nothing among the utterances allowed to man is felt to be so divine. It brings us near to the infinite.
Thomas Carlyle

All deep things are song. It seems somehow the very central essence of us, song; as if all the rest were but wrappages and hulls!
Thomas Carlyle

The pause is as important as the note.
Truman Fisher

It had never occurred to me before that music and thinking are so much alike. In fact you could say music is another way of thinking, or maybe thinking is another kind of music.
Ursula K. Le Guin

It is incontestable that music induces in us a sense of the infinite and the contemplation of the invisible.
Victor de LaPrade

Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.
Victor Hugo

Music is God’s gift to man, the only art of Heaven given to earth, the only art of earth we take to Heaven.
Walter Savage Landor

Poetry, Painting & Music, the three Powers in man of conversing with Paradise, which the flood did not sweep away.
William Blake

Music has charms to soothe the savage beast, to soften rocks or bend a knotted oak.
William Congreve

There is nothing in the world so much like prayer as music is.
William P. Merrill

When griping grief the heart doth wound,
and doleful dumps the mind oppresses,
then music, with her silver sound,
with speedy help doth lend redress.
William Shakespeare

Music creates order out of chaos: for rhythm imposes unanimity upon the divergent, melody imposes continuity upon the disjointed, and harmony imposes compatibility upon the incongruous.
Yehudi Menuhin

If you can walk you can dance. If you can talk you can sing.
Zimbabwe Proverb

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Funny Music Quotes

I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the manmade sound never equaled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig.
Alfred Hitchcock

One man's noise is another man's music.
Anonymous

If I ever die of a heart attack, I hope it will be from playing my stereo too loud.
Anonymous

2,400,000 Americans play the accordion - hopefully not at the same time.
Anonymous

Listen Edith, I know you're singing, you know you're singing, but the neighbors may think I'm torturing you.
Archie Bunker

God tells me how the music should sound, but you stand in the way.
Arturo Toscanini (addressing a trumpet player)

The organ is the instrument of worship for in its sounding we sense the Majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God.
Author Unknown

Sign on a music store: "Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet."
Author Unknown

There's people making babies to my music. That's nice.
Barry White

My daughter McKenna thought I sang with the Everly Brothers. I said, “No I was one of the Righteous Brothers” and she said, “didn't they invent the airplane?”
Bill Medley / The Righteous Brothers

When she started to play, Steinway himself came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
Bob Hope (on comedienne Phyllis Diller)

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means “put down”.
Bob Newhart

"Already too loud!"  
Bruno Walter, at his first rehearsal with an American orchestra (on seeing the players reaching for

In opera, there is always too much singing.
Claude Debussy

If you play a tune and a person don't tap their feet, don't play the tune.
Count Basie

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.
Edward Gardner

Some kids in Italy call me 'Mama Jazz’; I thought that was so cute. As long as they don't call me 'Grandma Jazz.'
Ella Fitzgerald

I liked the bit about a quarter to eleven.
Erik Satie (on Debussy's "Dawn to Noon on the Sea")

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.
Frank Zappa

A drummer is a musician's best friend.
from a Martin Mull album

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
George Bernard Shaw

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Gioacchino Antonio Rossini

Oh how wonderful, really wonderful opera would be if there were no singers!
Gioacchino Rossini

You got to have smelt a lot of mule manure before you can sing like a hillbilly.
Hank Williams

Country music is three chords and the truth.
Harlan Howard

I once sent him a song and asked him to mark a cross wherever he thought it was faulty. Brahms returned it untouched, saying "I don't want to make a cemetery of your compositions."
Hugo Wolf

I taught them everything they know, but not everything I know.
James Brown

Music is everybody's possession. It's only publishers who think that people own it.
John Lennon / The Beatles

If you wanted to torture me, you'd tie me down and force me to watch our first five videos.
Jon Bon Jovi

Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.
Josh Billings

The joy of music should never be interrupted by a commercial.
Leonard Bernstein

Protect your hands! Some fans demonstrate their enthusiasm with bone-crushing hand shakes. My former teacher Julian Bream often bows Japanese style with his hands behind his back. Smart man!
Liona Boyd

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song.
Louis Armstrong

Beethoven can write music, thank God, but he can do nothing else on earth.
Ludwig van Beethoven

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
Mark Twain

Critics can't even make music by rubbing their back legs together.
Mel Brooks

Why waste money on psychotherapy when you can listen to the B Minor Mass?
Michael Torke

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.
Oliver Herford

Cute little babies that fall out of swings - These are a few of my favourite things.
Oscar Hammerstein (working lyric for a piece from "The Sound of Music")

You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow.
Oscar Levant (explaining his way out of a speeding ticket)

Of course the music is a great difficulty. You see, if one plays good music, people don't listen, and if one plays bad music people don't talk.
Oscar Wilde

Never look at the trombones, it only encourages them.
Richard Strauss

If you can't take the heat, stay away from the beat!
Salsa Caliente, a Cincinnati band

Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable.
Samuel Johnson

An exotic and irrational entertainment.
Samuel Johnson (his definition of opera)

I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand.
Sir Edward Appleton

Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away.
Sir Thomas Beecham

The Mandolin is the bottom four strings of the guitar, backwards...so a person with dyslexia has no problem learning to play the Mandolin.
Steve Goodman

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
Steve Martin

The way to write American music is simple. All you have to do is be an American and then write any kind of music you wish.
Virgil Thompson

You play Bach your way and I'll play him his way.
Wanda Landowska

Life can't be all bad when for ten dollars you can buy all the Beethoven sonatas and listen to them for ten years.
William F. Buckley, Jr.

Life can't be all bad when for ten dollars you can buy all the Beethoven sonatas and listen to them for ten years.
William F. Buckley, Jr.

I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
Woody Allen

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Funny Music Terminology
(as listed on the educational cyber playground)

In an effort to keep you abreast of the ever-changing world of music terminology, we provide you with some terms with which you should be familiar:

A Patella
Unaccompanied knee-slapping.

Accidentals
Wrong Notes

Adagio Fromaggio
To play in a slow and cheesy manner.

Agitato
A string player's state of mind when a peg slips in the middle of a piece.

Agnes Dei
A famous female church composer.

Allegro
Leg fertilizer.

AnDante
A musical composition that is infernally slow.

Angus Dei
To play with a divine, beefy tone.

Anti-phonal
Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall.

Appologgiatura
A composition, solo or instrument, you regret playing.

Approximatura
A series of notes played by a performer, not intended by the composer.

Approximento
A musical entrance that is somewhere in the vicinity of the correct pitch.

Bar Line
What musicians form after a concert.

Beat
What music students to do each other with their musical instruments. The down beat is performed on the top of the head, while the up beat is struck under the chin.

Bravo!
Literally, "How bold!" or "What nerve!" This is a spontaneous expression of appreciation on the part of the concertgoer after a particularly trying performance.

Chromatic Scale
An instrument for weighing that indicates half-pounds.

Compound Meter
A place to park your car that requires two coins.

Concerto Grossissimo
A really bad performance.

Conductor
A musician who is adept at following many people at the same time.

Coral Symphony
(see Beethoven-Caribbean period)

Cornetti Trombosis Disastrous
The entanglement of brass instruments that can occur when musicians exit hastily down the stage stairs.

Counterpoint
A favorite device of many Baroque composers, all of whom are dead, though no direct connection between these two facts has been established. Still taught in many schools, as a form of punishment.

Crescendo
A reminder to the performer that he has been playing too loudly.

Da Capo Al Fine
I like your hat!

Dill Piccolino
A wind instrument that plays only sour notes.

Discord
Not to be confused with Datcord.

Duration
Can be used to describe how long a music teacher can exercise self-control.

English horn
A woodwind that got its name because it's neither English nor a horn. Not to be confused with French horn, which is German.

Fermantra
A note that is held over and over and over and over and...

Fermoota
A rest of indefinite length and dubious value.

Fine
That was great!

Fog Hornoso
A sound that is heard when the conductor's intentions are not clear.

Frugalhorn
A sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.

Gaul Blatter
A French horn player.

Glissando
The musical equivalent of slipping on a banana peel. Also, a technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.

Good Conductor
A person who can give an electrifying performance, or alternative use, one who obeys the orchestra and/or chorus.

Gregorian Champ
Monk who can hold a note the longest.

Gregorian chant
A way of singing in unison, invented by monks to hide snoring.

Half Step
The pace used by a cellist when carrying his instrument.

Kvetchendo
Gradually getting annoyingly louder.

Lamentoso
With handkerchiefs.

Mallade
A romantic song that's pretty awful.

Messiah
An oratorio by Handel performed every Christmas by choirs that believe they are good enough, in cooperation with musicians who need the money.

Metronome
A dwarf who lives in the city.

Molto bolto
Head straight for the ending.

Opera buffa
Musical stage production by nudists.

Orchestral Suites
The rooms where the musicians sleep after a performance.

Poochini Musical
Performance accompanied by a dog.

Pre-Classical Conservatism
School of thought which fostered the idea, "if it ain't baroque, don't fix it."

Spritzicato
Plucking of a stringed instrument to produce a bright, bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with lemon (wine optional).

Supertonic
Schweppes Ginger Ale.

Tempo Tantrumo
When a young band refuses to keep time with the conductor.

Tincanabulation
The annoying or irritating sounds made by extremely cheap bells.

Tonic
A home remedy you put on your scalp to treat balding.

Trill
The musical equivalent of an epileptic seizure.

Vesuvioso
A gradual buildup to a fiery conclusion.

Vibrato
The singer's equivalent of an epileptic seizure.

Vibrato
Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.

Virtuoso
A musician with very high morals.

ZZZfortzando
Playing REALLY loud in order to wake up the audience.

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Music Theory Jokes

Phone songs

All of the following songs may be played on a touch-tone phone. Though not completely accurate, these melodies closely resemble well-known songs! Commas are pauses, and hyphens are held notes.

Mary Had A Little Lamb

3212333, 222, 399, 3212333322321

Jingle Bells 333, 333, 39123, 666-66333332232, 9,

333, 333, 39123, 666-6633, 399621  

Frere Jacques 1231, 1231, 369, 369, 9*9631, 9*9631, 111, 111

Olympic Fanfare 3-9-91231, 2222-32112312, 3-9-91231, 2222-32112321

The Butterfly Song a.k.a. The Honeybee  963, 23621, 3693236236932362, 963, 23621

Happy Birthday 112, 163, 112, 196, 110, 8521, 008, 121


What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?
"I didn't wake up this morning..."

What's the least-used sentence in the English language?
"Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"

What's the first thing a musician says at work?
"Would you like fries with that?"

How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1. None. They can't get that high. 2.Two; one to screw it in and the other to say, "Isn't that a little high for you?"

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
1...5...1... (1...4...5...5...1)

What's musical and handy in a supermarket?
A Chopin Liszt.

What's the definition of an optimist?
A choral director with a mortgage!

What do you get when you put a diminished chord together with an augmented chord?
A demented chord.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?
A natural major.

What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?
A new age song.

What's half of a tuba?
A one-ba!

What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
A pair of Re-bachs.

What do you get when an army officer puts his nose to the grindstone?
A sharp major.

What is another term for trombone?
A wind driven, manually operated pitch approximator!

How long does a harp stay in tune?
About 20 minutes, or until someone opens a door.

What's the range of a tuba?
About twenty yards, if you have a good arm!

A Choristers' Guide To Keeping Conductors In Line

The basic training of every singer should, of course, include myriad types of practical and theoretical emphases. One important area which is often neglected, however, is the art of one-upmanship. The following rules are intended as guides to the development of habits which will promote the proper type of relationship between singer and conductor.

1. Never be satisfied with the starting pitch. If the conductor uses a pitch-pipe, make known your preference for pitches from the piano and vice-versa.

2. Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, crowded space, and of a draft. It's best to do this when the conductor is under pressure.

3. Bury your head in the music just before cues.

4. Ask for a re-audition or seating change. Ask often. Give the impression you're about to quit. Let the conductor know you're there as a personal favor.

5. Loudly clear your throat during pauses.  Quiet instrumental interludes are a good chance to blow your nose.  Make a lot of noise when turning pages and drop your music on the floor frequently.  Be sure to pick it up while everyone else is singing.

6. Long after a passage has gone by, ask the conductor if your C# was in tune. This is especially effective if you had no C# or were not singing at the time.

7. At dramatic moments in the music (which the conductor is emoting), be busy marking your music so that the climaxes will sound empty and disappointing.

8. Wait until well into a rehearsal before letting the conductor know that you don't have the music.

9. Look at your watch frequently. Shake it in disbelief occasionally.

10. When possible, sing your part either an octave above or below what is written. This is excellent ear-training for the conductor. If he hears the pitch, deny it vehemently and claim that it must have been the combination tone.

11. Tell the conductor, "I can't find the beat." Conductors are always sensitive about their "stick technique" so challenge it frequently.

12. If you are singing in a language with which the conductor is the least bit unfamiliar, ask her as many questions as possible about the meaning of individual words. If this fails, ask her about the pronunciation of the most difficult words. Occasionally, say the word twice and ask her preference, making to say it exactly the same both times. If she remarks on their similarity, give her a look of utter disdain and mumble under your breath about the "subtleties of inflection".

13. Ask the conductor if he has listened to the von Karajan recording of the piece. Imply that he could learn a thing or two from it. Also good: ask, "Is this the first time you've conducted this piece?"

14. If your articulation differs from that of others singing the same phrase, stick to your guns. Do not ask the conductor which is correct until backstage just before the concert.

15. Find an excuse to leave the rehearsal about 15 minutes early so that others will become restless and start to fidget. Make every effort to take the attention away from the podium and put it on you, where it belongs!


Adapted - Author Unknown

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturel. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides that since he's only had tenor so patrons, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest -- and closes the bar.
Author Unknown

"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
Author Unknown

Two bass players were engaged for a run of Carmen. After a couple of weeks, they agreed each to take an afternoon off in turn to go and watch the matinee performance from the front of house. Joe duly took his break; back in the pit that evening, Moe asked how it was. "Great," says Joe. "You know that bit where the music goes `BOOM Boom Boom Boom'--well there are some guys up top singing a terrific song about a Toreador at the same time."
Author Unknown

Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!"
Author Unknown

Minimum safe distances between street musicians and the public: Violinist: 25 feet / Bad Violinist: 50 feet / Tone Deaf Guitar Player who knows 3 chords: 75 feet  / 15 year-old Electric Guitar Player with Nirvana fixation: 100 feet  / Bagpipe player: 60 miles


Author Unknown

How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb? 1. "One, two, three, one, two, three..." 2. "Hey man, I just do sound." 3. One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.
Author Unknown

How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb? 1. None. Jazz musicians can't afford light bulbs. 2. "Don't worry about the changes. We'll fake it!"
Author Unknown

Two musicians are driving down a road. All of a sudden they notice the Grim Reaper in the back seat. Death informs them that they had an accident and they both died. But, before he must take them off into eternity, he grants each musician with one last request to remind them of their past life on earth. The first musician says he was a Country & Western musician and would like to hear eight choruses of Achy-Breaky Heart as a last hoorah! The second musician says "I was a jazz musician...kill me now!"
Author Unknown

St. Peter's still checking ID's. He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?"

The man says, "I was a doctor."

St. Peter says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?"

"I was a school teacher."

"Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?" asks St. Peter.

"I was a musician."

"Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen..."


Author Unknown

Person 1: It must be terrible for an opera singer to realize that he can never sing again.Person 2: Yes, but it's much more terrible if he doesn't realize it.
Author Unknown

Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall once. In the middle of the music, Kriesler got lost and turned around to ask Rachmaninov, "Where are we?" Rachmaninov said, "Carnegie Hall, sir!"
Author Unknown

Kenny G walks into an elevator and says "This rocks!"
Author Unknown

Did you hear about the violist who bragged he could play 32nd notes? The rest of the orchestra didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one!
Author Unknown

The difference between a Rolling Stone and a Scotsman is that the Rolling Stone says "hey you, get off 'a my cloud", and the Scotsman says, "hey McCloud, get off 'a my ewe!"
Author Unknown

My piano teacher is very religious. Every time I play, she closes her eyes, shakes her head, and says, "Oh Lord."
Author Unknown

What do you say to an army officer as you're about to run him or her over with a steam roller?
B flat Major

Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?
Because he's Haydn!

Why did Bach get rid of all of his chickens?
Because his audience, at every concert, kept yelling... "Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach!

Why do musicians have to be awake by six o'clock?
Because most shops close by six thirty.

Why are harps like elderly parents?
Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.

What do you say after you run an army officer over with a steam roller?
C flat Major

What key is "Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight" written in?
C sharp or B flat.

What key do you play the tight-rope walkers waltz in?
C sharp...or B flat!

 

An Instrumentalist's Guide for Keeping Conductors in Line

by Donn Laurence Mills

If there were a basic training manual for orchestra players, it might include ways to practice not only music, but one-upmanship. It seems as if many young players take pride in getting the conductor's goat. The following rules are intended as a guide to the development of habits that will irritate the conductor. (Variations and additional methods depend upon the imagination and skill of the player.)

1. Never be satisfied with the tuning note. Fussing about the pitch takes attention away from the podium and puts it on you, where it belongs.

2. When raising the music stand, be sure the top comes off and spills the music on the floor.

3. Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, crowded space, or a draft. It's best to do this when the conductor is under pressure.

4. Look the other way just before cues.

5. Never have the proper mute, a spare set of strings, or extra reeds. Percussion players must never have all their equipment.

6. Ask for a re-audition or seating change. Ask often. Give the impression you're about to quit. Let the conductor know you're there as a personal favor.

7. Pluck the strings as if you are checking tuning at every opportunity, especially when the conductor is giving instructions. Brass players: drop mutes. Percussionists have a wide variety of dropable items, but cymbals are unquestionably the best because they roll around for several seconds.

8. Loudly blow water from the keys during pauses (Horn, oboe and clarinet players are trained to do this from birth).

9. Long after a passage has gone by, ask the conductor if your C# was in tune. This is especially effective if you had no C# or were not playing at the time. (If he catches you, pretend to be correcting a note in your part.)

10. At dramatic moments in the music (while the conductor is emoting) be busy marking your music so that the climaxes will sound empty and disappointing.

11. Wait until well into a rehearsal before letting the conductor know you don't have the music.

12. Look at your watch frequently. Shake it in disbelief occasionally.

13. Tell the conductor, "I can't find the beat." Conductors are always sensitive about their "stick technique", so challenge it frequently.

14. As the conductor if he has listened to the Bernstein recording of the piece. Imply that he could learn a thing or two from it. Also good: ask "Is this the first time you've conducted this piece?"

15. When rehearsing a difficult passage, screw up your face and shake your head indicating that you'll never be able to play it. Don't say anything: make him wonder.

16. If your articulation differs from that of others playing the same phrase, stick to your guns. Do not ask the conductor which is correct until backstage just before the concert.

17. Find an excuse to leave rehearsal about 15 minutes early so that others will become restless and start to pack up and fidget.

18. During applause, smile weakly or show no expression at all. Better yet, nonchalantly put away your instrument. Make the conductor feel he is keeping you from doing something really important.

Donn Laurence Mills is the NSOA contributing editor. He holds music degrees from Northwestern University and Eastman School of Music. A conductor and music educator, he is also the American educational director for the Yamaha Foundation of Tokyo.


Donn Laurence Mills

How many country musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Five... one to change it, and four to sing about it... since it's been gone!

How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Five... One to change the bulb, and four to complain that it is ELECTRIC!

How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
Give him some sheet music.

How do you tell when an inexperienced singer is at the door?
He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can't get up that high!

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have machines to do that now!

What's the definition of a gentleman?
One who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't!

How do you get a musician off your doorstep?
Pay for the pizza.

What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?
Root position cords.

Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.

What do pirates and trumpet players have in common?
They are both murder on the high C's!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the bassoon recital.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
To get away from the sound!

What is better than roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ!

How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, "I can do that!"

What is the definition of a half step?
Two oboes playing in unison.

How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it's electrified.

How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.

What happens if you play country music backwards?
Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

^TOP

Inspirational Dance Quotes

And David danced before the Lord with all his might.
2 Samuel 6:14

Thousands of emotions well up inside me through out the day. They are released when I dance.
Abraham Lincony

When the music changes, so does the dance.
African Proverb

Ballet technique is arbitrary and very difficult. It never becomes easy--it becomes possible. The effort involved in making a dancer's body is so long and relentless, in many instances painful, the effort to maintain the technique so grueling that unless a certain satisfaction is derived from the disciplining and the punishing, the pace could not be maintained.
Agnes DeMille

The choreographic process is exhausting. It happens on one's feet after hours of work, and the energy required is roughly the equivalent of writing a novel and winning a tennis match simultaneously.
Agnes DeMille

The truest expression of a people is in its dance and its music.
Agnes DeMille

Dancers are the athletes of God.
Albert Einstein

Human beings, vegetables, or comic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune intoned in the distance by an Invisible Player.
Albert Einstein

Those move easiest who have learned to dance.
Alexander Pope

Dance is called upon to express the loftiest emotions of the human soul.
Andre Levinson

A true artist should have no secrets. On the stage, you must be able to transmit every emotion to the spectator.
Anna Pavlova

Master technique and then forget about it and be natural.
Anna Pavlova

Good choreography fuses eye, ear, and mind.
Arlene Croce

Anyone who thinks sunshine is happiness has never danced in the rain.
Author Unknown

Dancing and singing are the only art forms where the artist is also the medium of expression.
Author Unknown

Ballroom dancing is about two people communicating with their bodies and responding to each other's movements.
Author Unknown

Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another.
Author Unknown

Life is a dance, from one stage to the next.
Author Unknown

Music is an invisible dance, as dancing is silent music.
Author Unknown

Only the wise can dance the rhythm of life.
Author Unknown

Too many times we stand aside and let the waters slip away,
Till what we put off till tomorrow has now become today.
So don't you sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied.
Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tide.
Author Unknown

We do not always dance because we are happy, but we dance and cannot help but become happy.
Author Unknown

Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Dance as though no one is watching.
Author Unknown

You can dance anywhere, even if only in your heart.
Author Unknown

You don't stop dancing from growing old. You grow old from stopping to dance.
Author Unknown

You've never felt pain until you've walked in a dancer's shoes.
Author Unknown

You leap like living music through the air.
Babette Deutsch

When you take dancing lessons, you learn steps and you learn steps and you learn steps. It can go on for a long time. And then one day, you just learn to dance, and it is so different.
Bill Austin

Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals.
Charles Baudelaire

From the moment you could first move
You wriggled and
waggled your way around
inside your mother's womb
you circled around
and around again
trembling forward
then backward
picking up the tempo
with wings on your little feet
you swung wide
first this way then
back the other way
always buzzing
quivering with anticipation of
bursting out ready
to busy yourself on
the dance floor of life
Charles Portolano

To those of us with real understanding, dancing is the only pure art form.
Charles Schulz (Snoopy speaking)

Tell me and I will surely forget.
Show me and I might remember.
But make me do it, and I will certainly understand.
Chinese Proverb

Dancing is like dreaming with your feet!
Constanze

To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak.
Derrick "Suwaima" Davis

The call to dance is a response to a primitive urge to rhythmic motion. It is an unavoidable internal rhythm of life.
Dorothy Buck

To everything there is a season... and a time to dance.
Ecclesiastes 3:1,8

It is people’s movement that consoles us. If the leaves of a tree did not move, how sad would be the tree – and so should we.
Edgar Degas

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance.
Edward Estlin Cummings

There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good.
Edwin Denby

Things I can't say in words run through my body as I dance…
Because we feel the power of speaking another language: The language of dance.
Eleanor Schick

If I can not dance, I want no part in your revolution.
Emma Goldman

Dance every performance as if it were your last.
Erik Bruhn

The essence of the art of dancing lies in the realm of the soul and heart; it is not the intellect but the emotions from which the dance takes off.
Erika Hanka

Dancing is a sweat job... When you're experimenting you have to try so many things before you choose what you want, and you may go days getting nothing but exhaustion. It takes time to get a dance right, to create something memorable.
Fred Astaire

Some people seem to feel that good dancers are born. All the good dancers I have known have been taught or trained.
Fred Astaire

Dancing in all its forms cannot be excluded from the curriculum of all noble education; dancing with the feet, with ideas, with words, and, need I add that one must also be able to dance with the pen?
Friedrich Nietzsche

He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance. One cannot fly into flying.
Friedrich Nietzsche

I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance.
Friedrich Nietzsche

And let that day be lost to us on which we did not dance once!
Friedrich Nietzsche

Dance is music made visible.
George Balanchine

Dancers are instruments, like a piano the choreographer plays.
George Balanchine

I don't want people who want to dance. I want people who have to dance.
George Balanchine

One is born to be a dancer. No teacher can work miracles, nor will years of training make a good dancer of an untalented pupil. One may be able to acquire a certain technical facility, but no one can ever 'acquire an exceptional talent.' I have never prided myself on having an unusually gifted pupil. A Pavlova is no one's pupil but God's.
George Balanchine

Dance: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire.
George Bernard Shaw

The most expedient and certainly the best way to learn to dance is to stand up and try it. No one can ever learn by sitting quietly and looking on.
George E. Wilson

On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined.
George Gordon, Lord Byron

The way people move is their autobiography in motion.
Gerry Spence

Let the music play,
I would dance always ~
Dance till the dawn of the bright young day!
Wild notes are sounding ~ swift lights are glancing,
And I ~ I am mad with the rapture of dancing ~
Mad with a breathless delight.
Grace Denio Litchfield

Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor.
H. Jackson Brown Jr.

What can I say with the words of my lips?
Oh, let me speak from my toes' tips
Of my treasure and my zest!
Dancing, I can tell every sweet-
Slow and soft, soft and fleet.
Dancing, I can tell every ill,
All my inmost wish fulfill,
All my sorrowing I can heal.
Oh, to reveal
With bending of my head,
With the curving of my hand,
What no poem has ever said,
What no words could understand!
Things for a book too sad, too gay,
The verses of my feet would say;
Telling sorrow, telling delight
Into the very marrow of men's sight.
Helen Hoyt

Dancing as an art, we may be sure, cannot die out, but will always be undergoing a rebirth. Not merely as an art, but also as a social custom, it perpetually emerges afresh from the soul of the people.
Henry Havelock Ellis

Dancing is the loftiest, the most moving, the most beautiful of the arts, because it is no mere translation or abstraction from life; it is life itself.
Henry Havelock Ellis

For though man has sorrow and grief in his soul, at once he forgets his dark thoughts and remembers not his troubles.
Hesiod (on what dancing brings)

Fine dancing, I believe, like virtue, must be its own reward.
Jane Austen

Dance, and let the dreams of poets half-forgotten
Speak through you as never spoke their printed pages;
Dance, and let the pictured visions of the painters
Move and speak and breathe and tear our quickened heartstrings;
Dance, and in the throbbing joy of rhythm and gesture,
Music, poetry, and painting melt together.
Joel Elias Springarn

Dancing is the poetry of the foot.
John Dryden

Dance is bigger than your physical body… When you extend your arm, it doesn’t stop at the end of your fingers, because you’re dancing bigger than that; you’re dancing spirit.
Judith Jamison

You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read. That is why you must look at the skies. That is why you must sing, and dance, and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life.
Krishnamurti

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Kurt Vonnegut

Dance is the product of the necessity for pure emotional expression.
La Meri

A dancer’s work, like a garden, is never completed but always growing.
Linda H. Hamilton, Ph.D.

Dancing is as old as love.
Lucian

A cathedral, a wave of a storm, a dancer's leap, never turn out to be as high as we had hoped.
Marcel Proust

Every child has a right to know how to achieve control of his body in order that he may use it to the limit of his ability for the expression of his own reactions to life. Even if he can never carry his efforts far enough to realize dance in its highest forms, he may experience the sheer joy of the rhythmic sense of free, controlled, and expressive movement, and through this know an addition to life to which every human being is entitled.
Margaret N. H’Doubler

I explained it when I danced it.
Margot Fonteyn (when asked to explain a performance)

They who dance find infinite golden floors beneath their feet.
Marjorie Allen Seiffert

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along.
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where their years have gone?
Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

Where there's youth, there's hope…
Where there's hope, there's wonder…
Where there's wonder, there's faith…
Where there's faith, there's chance…
Where there's chance, there's love…
Where there's love, there's music…
And dancing.
Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

Whoever has seen the masked at a ball dance amicably together, and take hold of hands without knowing each other, leaving the next moment to meet no more, can form an idea of the world.
Marquis De Vauvenargues

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion.
Martha Graham

Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired.
Martha Graham

Freedom to a dancer means discipline. That is what technique is for -- liberation.
Martha Graham

I watch the dancer,
Bending,
Lithely stooping,
Leaping, rippling,
Her motions changing
As though she were a song of many notes;
Her white robes swaying,
Her scarves like water under the wind;
Her face held up to joy
As a leaf to sunlight;
Her arms yearning and crying out for beauty,
Reaching up
And pulling down beauty upon her head,
Then flinging it from her, to our outstretched hands.
Mary Carolyn Davies

The dance is a poem of which each movement is a word.
Mata Hari

Everything in the universe has rhythm. Everything dances.
Maya Angelou

The only way to do it is to do it.
Merce Cunningham

Dance is an ephemeral, a fleeting art. To describe this momentum, every movement on stage, in words is virtually impossible.
Mikhail Baryshnikov

I do not try to dance better than anyone else. I only try to dance better than myself.
Mikhail Baryshnikov

Dancers work and live from the inside… They drive themselves constantly, producing a glow that lights not only themselves, but audience after audience… They know how to come alive like no other creature on earth and live to do so.
Murray Lewis

It is the body, subject to the harmony of the steps it is executing, which speaks. And it speaks to the heart in as direct a language as does music.
Natalia Makarova

Swing is so much more than a dance; it's a way of life. The music gets stuck in your mind and the dance is in your heart and the whole scene is engraved on your soul. You can fly.
Nicholas Hope

The smile is the dance of the face - the dance is the smile of the limbs.
Ninette DeValoi

The dance… dramatizes the emotions of mankind; it embodies the color and richness of great paintings; it makes live the beauty of line and form of statues; it charts the measures of poems; it traces the beautiful melodic patterns and visualizes the harmony of music.
Norma Gould

Every day brings a chance for you to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes, and dance.
Oprah Winfrey

Dance can give the inarticulate a voice.
Pamela Brown

Dance is the pure act of metamorphosis.
Paul Valery

So many dances leave me untouched, unmoved. A dancer should be able to raise an arm and make someone cry ~ in the way Isadora Duncan did. It is a necessity for any art to move you.
Pauline Koner

To sing well and to dance is to be well educated.
Plato

Let them praise His Name with dancing.
Psalm 149:3

Live a balanced life— Learn some and think some, and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Robert Fulghum

Human beings are born with the instinct to express themselves through movement.
Robert La Fosse

A dignified and formal dance is a delicately planned geometry.
Ruth Katz

I see dance being used as communication between body and soul, to express what it too deep to find for words.
Ruth St. Denis

Dance first. Think later. It's the natural order.
Samuel Beckett

What we hope ever to do with ease, we must first learn to do with diligence.
Samuel Johnson

Dancing is like life. The lessons of one are the lessons of the other.
Savion Glover

It takes an athlete to dance, but an artist to be a dancer.
Shanna LaFleur

Dancing is silent poetry.
Simonides

Poetry is like dancing. Not all of us can be ballet dancers but all of us dance. Everyone has a poet inside of him struggling to get out.
Spokesman for Marks and Spencer

Dancing is an acted poem, sparkling with images.
The Monthly Chronicle, 1838

"I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take great delight in my people."
(Note: The Hebrew word here for "rejoice" is "guwl", which means to "spin round under the influence of any violent emotion". The Sovereign Lord God dances over us!)
The Sovereign Lord, Isaiah 65:19

I do believe that when dancing is right, the movement possesses a logic common to us all.
Twyla Tharp

Whoever has seen the masked at a ball dance amicably together, and take hold of hands without knowing each other, leaving the next moment to meet no more, can form an idea of the world.
Vauvenargues

The good Lord gave you a body that can stand most anything. It's your mind you have to convince.
Vincent Lombardi

O body swayed to music, O brightening glance, How can we know the dancer from the dance?
William Butler Yeats

When you do dance, I wish you
A wave o' the sea, that you might ever do
Nothing but that.
William Shakespeare

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music.
William Stafford

^TOP

Funny Dance Quotes

“Can't act. Can't sing. Balding. Can dance a little.”
(Evaluation of Fred Astaire's very first screen test)

Toe dancing is a dandy attention getter, second only to screaming.
Agnes deMille

"No touching!"
Anonymous ballroom couple overheard saying this while practicing for Standard (where you have to maintain body contact the entire time)

"Gentlemen, remember the 15 second rule. When the music stops, you have 15 seconds to escort your partner back to her seat. If you're too slow, the music will start again and you'll be stuck for another dance."
Anonymous dance teacher addressing the class

A good dancer has the posture that can say 'I have presence, and you are dirt'; especially when they forget to smile.
Author Unknown

About balance: Cranes stand on one leg, but cannot dance a step.
Author Unknown

A man who dances has his choice of romances.
Author Unknown

Beginning dancer: knows nothing. Intermediate dancer: knows everything; too good to dance with beginners. Hotshot dancer: too good to dance with anyone. Advanced dancer: dances everything… especially with beginners.
Author Unknown

Dancers and musicians have always counted music differently. There is a cute anecdote about Stravinsky yelling at Nijinsky, "There is no 27 in my music!"
Author Unknown

He: "Can I have the last dance with you?" She: "You are having it!"
Author Unknown

If dancing were any easier it would be called football.
Author Unknown

It's not the turning that’s hard in pirouettes, it's that you gotta keep on doin' it.
Author Unknown

Lesser dancers stumble; better dancers syncopate.
Author Unknown

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels!
Author Unknown

The Ballet toe shoe is one of the few instruments of torture to survive intact into our time.
Author Unknown

What if doing the hokey pokey IS what it is all about?
Author Unknown

You can't make a pointe if you don't understand the details.
Author Unknown

The forms of tango are like stages of a marriage. The American tango is like the beginning of a love affair, when you're both very romantic and on your best behavior. The Argentine tango is when you're in the heat of things and all kinds of emotions are flying: passion, anger, humor. The International tango is like the end of the marriage, when you're staying together for the sake of the children.
Barbara Garvey

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
Bob Hope

If their feet aren't in the right place, at least their hearts are.
Christian M. Chensvold (on novice swingers)

Dancing is a wonderful training for girls. It's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it.
Christopher Morley

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
Confucius

Discourse on virtue and they pass by in droves. Whistle and dance the shimmy and you've got an audience.
Diogenes

I just put my feet on the ground and move them around.
Fred Astaire

About a year ago I took up line dancing. I got so into it I had to join a Self help group to stop. It's a TWO STEP program.
Frederick J. Boenig

I got started dancing because I knew that was one way to meet girls.
Gene Kelly

Part of the joy of dancing is conversation. Trouble is, some men can't talk and dance at the same time.
Ginger Rogers

Carpe Dancem (seize the dance)
Heather Diadoti

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
Jack Handey

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.
Japanese Proverb

No move is too tricky; no spin too excessive… for my partner.
John Hayes

Ballroom Dancing just gets more exciting the more you know about it, which is why you have to do well at school so you can spend the rest of your life supporting your habit!
Kay Teague

Some people march to a different drummer... and some people Polka.
Los Angeles Times Syndicate

There are only two places where indiscriminate hugging is tolerated; the brothel and the ballroom.
M.A. Ham

Dancing is like a shower: one wrong turn and you're in hot water!
Mad Magazine

Never trust spiritual leader who cannot dance.
Mr. Miyagi

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
Rita Rudner

Draw a crazy picture

Write a nutty poem

Sing a mumble-gumble song

Whistle through your comb

Do a loony-goony dance

'Cross the kitchen floor

Put something silly in the world

That ain't been there before


Shel Silverstien

It's not a crime to be a beginner, but it sure is a crime to look like one.
Skippy Blair

Football isn't a contact sport; it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.
Vince Lombardi

The girl who can't dance says the band can't play.
Yiddish Proverb

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Quizes

Are You A Dance-A-Holic?

Count 1 point for every YES answer:

  1. You listen to dance music at times when you cannot possibly dance, (i.e. on your car stereo, on your disc-man in airplanes, etc.) [Give yourself an additional point if you have actually taken your hands off the steering wheel while driving to snap your fingers or clap your hands at the spot in the music where you would snap/clap if you were dancing. Ten extra points if you've had a crash because you were so overwhelmed by the music that you forgot you were driving.]
  2. You practice steps (either consciously or subconsciously) when you are not actually dancing, (i.e. moving your feet under your desk at work, standing in line at McDonald's, in front of the mirror in a public restroom). [Extra point for each time in the last month someone has caught you doing it.]
  3. When you are debating whether to buy a new article of clothing, a chief factor in the decision is whether or not you can wear it dancing.
  4. You go to non-dance social functions with other dancers but you cannot carry on a conversation for longer than 15 minutes without talking about dance. (This includes gossiping about people in dance class or in the dance industry).
  5. At least once a week you have to explain that you missed some over-hyped television program, a business function or social event because it conflicted with dance class. [Extra point if you find yourself lying to friends or co-workers about dancing: "Um, I'm really tired. I think I'll go home early tonight. I'll probably take the phone off the hook so don't even try to call."]
  6. What you eat for dinner depends on whether you're going dancing afterwards (nothing too heavy, no garlic or onions). [Extra point if you don't drink when you go to dance clubs because it might interfere with your dancing.]
  7. Even though you are an advanced dancer, you drop in on the beginners dance classes every now and then, just in case they are doing a beginner's step you've never learned. [Add a point for each time one of the beginners recognizes you and comes up to you to ask if they are doing a particular step correctly.]
  8. At least once a month you phone or e-mail another dancer to find out whether he/she is going to a dance class. [Give yourself another point if, when you find out he/she is not going dancing, you go anyway.]
  9. You dance when you are home alone. [Extra point if you dance at home whether or not you are alone. Three extra points if you dance in front of the mirror.]
  10. You plan business trips and holidays so as to avoid missing your favorite local dance classes, shows, and events (i.e. leaving the morning after class and/or arriving the afternoon before the class). [Two extra points if you pack extra dance gear on business trips just in case your returning afternoon flight is delayed and you have to drive from the airport directly to class instead of going home to change clothes.]
  11. You have, at least once in the past year, spent more time driving to a dance event than you knew you would actually spend dancing (i.e. one hour each way commuting to dance less than two hours).
  12. You have a regular partner who you're not going out with.
  13. You fantasize about quitting your real job and traveling around the country to go to cool dance clubs, competitions, and events.
  14. You rent movies because you heard there was a dance scene in them. [Two extra points if you fast forward through the plot until you get to the dancing. Another extra point if you never actually get around to watching the movie.]
  15. You refer to specific dancers descriptively as something like "The bleach blonde with the fringe costume", "The guy who dances with Sally", "The tall brunette who wears leggings and long T-Shirts," or "The one who did that cool routine." [Extra Point if you don't know the real names of at least five dancers.]
EXTRA BONUS POINTS: Add one point to your score for each dance-related bruise, cut, bump or other injury currently visible somewhere on your body.

SCORING

15 or more

Houston, we have a problem. You are indeed a Dance-A-Holic! (But is it really all that bad?)  Just make sure that there is balance in your life, and not just on the dance floor! Don't be surprised if your family and friends are organizing a psychiatrist to help you.

11 to 14

You are a borderline Dance-A-Holic. A little more involvement and you will surely become a dancing fanatic. With some effort on your part you can take back control of your life without outside help, but you probably do not want to. It may be enough to cut out the dancing in-between dance classes, but don't be surprised if you experience some withdrawal symptoms.

6 to 10

Not to worry. You're one of those social dancers. You can take it or leave it. You can walk off the dance floor anytime. You appreciate dance and can hold your own, but dance doesn't control you. But be wary of missing out on the passion, excitement, and the many benefits that dancing can bring. Be on the lookout for Dance-a-holics who probably view you with suspicion.

1 to 5

WARNING! You are the other extreme! You probably don't know a triple step from a twinkle! You need immediate attention! You must be taking this test as a joke. You have two choices: Head to a dance class immediately in order to save your soles. Or… Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200 dollars. And do not get up on the dance floor to shake whatcha Mama gave ya until seeking professional help.

(adapted from the Elmgrove LeRoc website)

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